Bugging Out

BUGGING OUT

Well Today, A Cockroach fell from the ceiling, Inches from my head. Shoot. No. Just When I thought I was coping with the bugs! This was the final Straw. I mean Business. 

(Clearly I have yet to overcome my fear of bugs and creatures.) 

This is a formal notice to creatures in my bedroom at Tara Green Eco Garden:

: 

Dear lizards and bugs that swarm my room at approximately 7:15 every night, 

So guys, listen. I get it. I'm living at an "Eco Garden" that is surrounded by nature, technically your territory. But, that does not mean you can be swarming my room every night. I am NOT here to bother you but, I feel that you ARE here to bother me. I am not okay with that. Here are some guidelines I proposed so that we can learn to live in harmony whether we like each other or not.

1- To lizards, you guys are pretty chill and all but can we limit it to a maximum of five of you in my room a night. I am being generous here. Also, if you could stick to the upper walls. That would be greatly appreciated. Lower walls and the floor are off limites... To close to my personal space. Ceilings are also off limits. Not because I am afraid of you, but because I think you are just showing off how anti-gravity you are by hovering above my head as I sleep. It's egocentric and rude. Stop.
2- To beetles, You look terrifying when you fly but you're not as scary when you're just chilling. Keep it classy and just stay still for me, please. I don't want to squash you, but if you mess with my bed or anywhere near my head... Consider yourself beetle juice. Sorry for the violent reference, but I'm serious.
3- To sacaidas, We both know I would never squash you. You would eat me before I could do that. Why are you so big and loud? It's freaky. I beg you... Please don't enter my room. That's not even a threat. That's me begging out of fear. We both know that once you enter my room I'm paralyzed with fear for a good two hours. Not to get to hastey here, but that was really obnoxious of you guys to all fly into my room, on the same night , and surround me from all sides. It was my first night.. come on!
4- To Cockroaches, Although I have only seen one of you, I have heard they're are many. You also leave your crap everywhere. Please stay out of my room or at least out of my sight. It would be nice if you avoided the kitchen area too. Gross.
5- To the Mysterious Monster Spider, Luckily I have yet to see you. But there are rumors that you still exist. Those who have seen you say that you are as big as a full hand. I don't want any trouble, but please If I see you there is a good chance I am packing my bags and heading back to John Carroll. 

I would appreciate you're cooperation to these generous guidelines.

Sincerely,
Ryley Conway